Rest

I find myself in a place of deep trust in the Lord but deep weariness of my soul. It has been and continues to be a long long long hard journey. It amazes...AMAZES! me how God continually meets me right where I am at and brings me back to center in Him. Not that it amazes me that He can but that He is so intimately tender with me.

A few weeks ago Betty Harding gave me a very nice copy of the new devotional "Jesus Calling". We have been using it for family devotions ever since. It was perfect for Joe when he was in the hospital also. What is so weird is that each day, except one, each devotion hit right where we were struggling that day. I still haven't figured out HOW God does that. Maybe that is why He is called God and I am not :-).

So, yesterday Joe came back from the urologist and told me that they are sending the tissue sample of the.... now confirmed... high grade cancer in his bladder, out to another lab for a comparison study. I don't understand all of that but I think that the whole point is that they are suspecting muscle invasive which  means the next step will probably be a PET scan to see if the cancer has metastasized.... because it more than likely will with muscle invasive.

It just makes me so sad... and sick .. and everything to think of this THING taking over my hubby. I KNOW, God is in control.... but I am still so very sad. I was overwhelmed last night and ended up sitting on the couch most of the night and silently hurting and seeping tears. I don't cry very easy... it hurts when I do, physically. Joe came and sat with me for a while and I leaned on his shoulder while I just sat there and hurt. I try not to do that to him, it is too hard on his heart. He wants to make me feel better, but I think he needed to cry for a while last night too.

SOOO....

This was this mornings devotion:-- (only it was yesterdays devotion really cause I accidentaly read the wrong one yesterday....)

"REST WITH ME A WHILE. You have journey up a step, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus our attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey." (Pg185)

The verse that went along with it that really touched me was Psalms 143:7-8

"Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning.
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk.
For I lift up my soul to You."

God is pretty cute!