The God Who Sees Me

Yes, God is amazing, all the time. 

Yesterday I was having a very very hard time. I cried out to God, "I know You are my husband now but I can't feel You, I really need to feel You." He sent 4 friends to be His voice and comfort to me, Valerie, Doug and Joel and Sharon. I was comforted. 

Today, I am a basket case. I cried out "I cannot do this, I cannot, I am undone and I don't know how to even handle this at all". He answered me:

"Be still and know that I am God!"

He began playing that song  by the same title, by Alaska String Band over and over again in my head. 

THEN I opened my devotions in the book "Jesus Calling" for the day and this is what it said. 

"WAITING, TRUSTING, AND HOPING are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain. Trusting is the central strand, because it is the response from my children that I desire the most. Waiting and Hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connect you to Me. Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me. If you mouth the words "I trust You" while anxiously trying to make things go your way your words ring hollow. Hoping is future-directed, connecting you to your inheritance in heaven. However, the benefits of hope fall fully on you in the present.

Because you are Mine, you don't just pass time in your waiting, You can wait expectantly, in hopeful trust. Keep your "antennae" out to pick up even the faintest glimmer of My presence."  

Here are the scriptures:

John 14:1 

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."

Psalms 27:14

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous.    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

Hebrews 6:18-20

"So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek."

He is the God who sees me, Who meet my needs, Who hears my cry's and comforts me. 

Comfort

Yesterday was a rough day. It seemed that no matter what I did I could not get on top of all of the responsibilities in my life. I felt like I was in one of those "Get Smart" episodes where the walls were closing in on me and crushing my brain. By the end of the day my blood pressure was running high and my heart was beating a steady base rhythm in my head. I was so exhausted I couldn't even think.

I always feel guilty when I am not able to be strong. I feel like I let everyone around me down, especially Joe and Brenna, both who need me to be strong for them, and most of all God. I know that the main problem is that I failed to walk in God's strength yesterday. I tried, oh so hard I tried, to do it on my own, but couldn't.

This morning as Brenna and I did our morning devotions I realized that I am just so full of grief there is no room for anything else. God gave me two scriptures. The first was from Psalms 23

"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul."

In my mind the song by Matt Redman "You Never Let Go"started playing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB1NJV3rG6k . I AM walking through the valley of death, I have been for a long time now. God showed me day before yesterday that I have had the attitude that I will just endure this valley with His help and someday I will emerge back into the light. That is wrong thinking though. I am walking with the Light, with the Life. In the valley, where I walk so close to Him is where I learn to live and walk in life and light.

It is the second verse that God gave me that really got me though. 2 Chronicles 16:9a  

"The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." 

 Wow, God is searching to comfort me, to strengthen me. Not to chastise me for being week or for failing to walk in strength, but JUST to strengthen me. Condemnation, it always comes from us, never from God. So I laid my grief down at His feet and climbed into His arms and laid my head on His shoulder and wept. He comforts me. Ps 94:18-20 

"I cried out, “I am slipping!”
but Your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind,
Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."