I always feel guilty when I am not able to be strong. I feel like I let everyone around me down, especially Joe and Brenna, both who need me to be strong for them, and most of all God. I know that the main problem is that I failed to walk in God's strength yesterday. I tried, oh so hard I tried, to do it on my own, but couldn't.
This morning as Brenna and I did our morning devotions I realized that I am just so full of grief there is no room for anything else. God gave me two scriptures. The first was from Psalms 23
"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul."In my mind the song by Matt Redman "You Never Let Go"started playing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB1NJV3rG6k . I AM walking through the valley of death, I have been for a long time now. God showed me day before yesterday that I have had the attitude that I will just endure this valley with His help and someday I will emerge back into the light. That is wrong thinking though. I am walking with the Light, with the Life. In the valley, where I walk so close to Him is where I learn to live and walk in life and light.
It is the second verse that God gave me that really got me though. 2 Chronicles 16:9a
"The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."Wow, God is searching to comfort me, to strengthen me. Not to chastise me for being week or for failing to walk in strength, but JUST to strengthen me. Condemnation, it always comes from us, never from God. So I laid my grief down at His feet and climbed into His arms and laid my head on His shoulder and wept. He comforts me. Ps 94:18-20
"I cried out, “I am slipping!”
but Your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind,
Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."
