Woke up with …
“I’m too proud…to ask,
too broke…to eat,
too weak to bow,
too strong to bleed”
I had a very rough day yesterday. My doctor put me on a
new blood pressure medicine which was too strong so all day I fought very low
blood pressure. I had a hard time thinking clearly, or even functioning. I came
home, slept 1-½ hours then got up and thought I would read some of one of the
grief books that a friend had loaned me. I have been doing better since the
retreat but the grief book put me right back into a tailspin so I gave up and
tried to do some work on my computer, but I couldn’t concentrate. I knew I
should just get into the Word but because my head was still foggy I decided to
just watch a stupid movie to turn of my feelings (wrong thing to do). I had
terrible nightmares and woke up with a deep feeling of oppression on me. I felt
so discouraged with myself and was talking to God all morning about what a mess
I am, what a dismal failure I am. This is what the little devotion book (Jesus
Calling) Brenna and I start with in the morning said:
“Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus
on me. I know that your hearts desire is to be aware of My Presence
continually...Don’t let feelings of failure weight you down…” Isn't God
funny :-).
I like this scripture:
Hebrews 4:15-16
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize
with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as
we are--yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with
confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time
of need.”
“You take the weight...from my shoulders
My hands were clinched...now their open
I'll take your goodness...poured from the sky
Food from the ravens...water from the dry...well”
)
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